Saturday, April 25, 2015

Ingredients for a Perfect Mom

(**Writer's Note:  Full disclosure - at any given time I have approximately one kazillion blog post ideas floating around in varying stages of completion.  This was one I started last year after T gave me one of my favorite Mother's Day cards of all time.  I'm finally getting around to finishing the post nearly a year later but I'm fairly sure these ingredients won't ever expire.  Or at least not until he becomes a teenager anyway.**)
Snips and Snails and Puppydog Tails.

As any good mom will tell you, guilt is all part of the gig when it comes to raising kids.  In fact, in spite of having what are for all accounts two good-hearted, kind, sweet and well-behaved children, I still spend a fair amount of time worrying I'm going to screw them up.

And this special blend of mommy neurosis was only compounded once I was diagnosed with cancer and their little lives were etched with the harsh realities of disease.

This may be why I was particularly pleased when Teague handed me a Mother's Day Gift with an itemized list of mommy ingredients carefully scrawled out in crayon.

Entitled "Ingredients for a Perfect Mom", I knew this was my chance to crawl inside his little psyche and find out once and for all exactly what my son felt I was made of.

What Mom is Made of:  (According to Teague)

1.  Two cups of spoils and sweet.

I hate to be a naysayer, but this ingredient may have something to do with T's recent campaign for a
Minecraft figurine he saw at Target.  Well played, my friend.  But I cannot shell out that kind of
Puppy Love.
money for a block of plastic.  (Seriously, someone is making a mint off of that toy line.)

2.  Two teaspoons of cooking.

Two teaspoons of cooking is actually a pretty accurate measurement of my culinary abilities.  Although well meaning, I am afflicted with terrible seasoning instincts and a short attention span - a combination that does not often bring about Anthony Bourdain-worthy entrees.  You'll notice T does not mention the quality of this two teaspoons of cooking.   His inclusion is merely a nod to the fact I provide the family just enough edible material to keep us all alive.  You're welcome son.  There's a clove brownie in it for you.

3.  One ton of smart.

One ton of smart is probably one of the best compliments I've ever received.  One ton of smart is a lot of smart.  I plan to laminate this list and use ingredient number three as a solid reference for all future arguments.  

4. One gallon of blogs and love.

When I read this I first thought I was misinterpreting my 7-year-old's learning-to-be-a-lefty hand
Lashes for Days.
writing.  "Blogs?" I questioned with one eyebrow raised.  Teague shrugged his shoulders, looking for all the world like a miniature Charlie Day and squeaked, "Yeah, you know - 'cause you do the blogs and you're full of love."    

Kid nailed it.

5.  A pinch of athletic and fun.

This appears to be a reflection on my gym attendance and football throwing abilities.  Noted.

6.  1/2 teaspoon of amazing.

A half teaspoon may seem an insignificant amount of amazing - but frankly, a little bit of amazing tends to go a long way.  Actually, amazing is sort of like cloves that way.

So there you have it:  Indisputable proof that despite my many flaws, mistakes and missteps in the realm of parenting I'm still ahead - at least in the eyes of this boy.  Which, to be perfectly honest, is more than enough for me.  In fact, after all that sweetness, there may be a new Minecraft figurine in it for him after all.